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Ace
correspondent La Conner Fats compiles
It was bound to happen. After 14 years of mischief and mayhem, the folks
at the mystical (mostly mythical) neighboring township of Grace are the
subject of a book to be released next month – “The State of Grace
. . . and other Calamities.” Through the town’s official
communications “giant”, PokingFun Press, UnLtd., Grace will
self-publish its story of the 1992 re-establishment of an
honest-to-goodness early day settlement north of Woodinville which dates
to the late 1880s.
The publishing endeavor is that of the town newspaper’s ace
correspondent La Conner Fats who reluctantly reveals his identity as
Lauron Lindstrom, a Ballard native who has ensconced himself in the
capitol of the Skagit Valley. The book is a compilation of Lindstrom’s
writings for the Greater Grace Gazette, now found on the Internet
at www.townofgrace.org.
For all these 14 years, Lindstrom has been joined by a cast of
characters – real and imagined – who religiously follow the town
motto of “Having Fun Is Serious Business.” He explains that the book
“will provide insight into the comings and goings and doings of the
town’s sometimes zany and occasionally self-important residents and
interlopers.” Lindstrom introduces his readers to Grace thusly:
“The Mystical Township of Grace, Washington, is a place
unlike any other town in America. Perhaps it might even be the
off-center of the known universe.
“In the late 1800s and early 1900s, Grace was a thriving logging town
near Seattle where really big trees sheltered spotted owls. But settlers
axed the trees and ate the owls and established a bucolic agrarian
community in which their families grew and prospered. But hard times
came along and by the 1940s, Grace's identity had slipped into
never-never land, its name almost forgotten as new towns encroached upon
it. The homes, the general store and saloons, the mills and railroad
station, the school, and the community’s meeting hall that also served
as a church when an itinerant preacher came along, had all disappeared.
Only the post office remained.
“The town would have been forgotten had it not been for Terry Jarvis.
He came across some old photographs and historical documents about
Grace. He talked to some older Grace residents who still live in the
area, and that led him to an old diary, some oral histories, and two
personal histories written by local women who wished to record for their
families where they came from and how they lived in “the good old
days” when Grace thrived. It seemed a shame to Jarvis that a once
vibrant community had disappeared into the dust of time and fading
memories. And then he had a brilliant idea: Let’s
reestablish Grace.
“And so, in 1992, the Mystical Township of Grace was reborn. Jarvis declared
himself Mayor for Life. His friend Don Fitzpatrick Jr. embraced the plan
and became Chief of Police, Jarvis proclaiming him the best police chief
money can buy. Then Hugo B. Jonsen (a.k.a. John B. Hughes) came aboard
as Grand Marshal of Grace to lead parades and conduct frequent celebrations
of obscure events. Thus the triumvirate was formed that is now in its
14th year of continuous governance.
“As Mayor for life Jarvis said in an interview: ‘We did not want to
burden the new Grace with the normal weaknesses and shortcomings of
civic life. We wanted high visibility, but without bureaucratic
balderdash. No taxes, no planning or zoning commissions, and no
elections because they cost too much and cause otherwise normal idiots
to have grandiose dreams about telling everyone else how to conduct
their affairs. Our leaders would be unpaid, and we would establish
America's first and only all-volunteer bureaucracy. Our first community
action was to run lawyers, accountants, consultants and other humor-impaired
types out of town, and we declared Grace to be nuclear free, tax free,
litigation free and gloom free. Next, we adopted a town anthem: Amazing
Grace, of course, with our own lyrics. And Scape, the goat, was
designated our town mascot’.”
“The revived township’s only source of income is a portable parking
meter, and the treasury is kept in a cigar box. Through the years the
administration expanded to include a town treasurer, deputy town clerk,
fire chief, public works director, old growth forester, town vintner,
and a manager for the downtown businessperson association, all of them
unpaid volunteers. By executive fiat, the permanent population has
remained at 12 citizens, although certain supportive individuals have
been honored with spot annexations if they agree to not be counted in
the ten-year census.”
Grace has maintained a running feud with Bothell native Ron Nardone who
long ago set himself up as mayor of a funky section of unincorporated
Maltby. Without Nardone’s approval, Grace annexed the famed Maltby Café
operated by Bothell residents Sandra Albright and Tana Baumler so the
town would have an appropriate meeting place for infrequent town council
sessions. For good measure, Grace even strip-annexed Sandra and Tana’s
homes in Bothell.
Radio-TV personalities Patti Payne
and Pat Cashman have even come in for some ribbing. When Payne covered a
Grace event for a Seattle radio station, Chief Fitzpatrick impounded her
car for failure to plug the town’s portable parking meter. She has
been labeled the “town fugitive” ever since. Famed mystery writer
J.A. Jance of Seattle attempted to call Fitz off. Wrote Jance, “Patti
Payne is a fine, upstanding citizen and your persistent and unwarranted
persecution of this perfect person is patently unphair.”
Cashman has
promised to provide Saturday morning drive-time traffic reports from
Hiway 9 once Grace’s public radio station is licensed.
Former Seattle Mayor Paul Schell was intrigued enough to invite Jarvis
and me for a private lunch in Schell’s City Hall offices. Anticipating
a formal linen, china and silverware occasion, we arrived “duded up”
in our tuxedos only to surround Schell’s desk, having been served box
lunches and bottled water. At the end of the visit, Schell admitted he
remained mystified.
Occasionally Grace and the Gazette have annoyed readers. Former
Bothell Mayor Bud Ericksen, irked over what Bud considered an affront to
the King of Norway, attempted without success to cancel his free
subscription to the newspaper. In his column, Lindstrom, a Swede,
wondered why King Olav would not schedule a stop in Grace during an
official Seattle visit.
Having fun in Grace also includes raising money for good causes. Grace
Provisional Rotary Club and the Grace Town Vineyards –
raises as much as $1,000 for the privilege of riding in the 1934
official town car for lunch at the Maltby Café and attend the
ceremonies denoting the 8th annual and future cancellations
of the St. Patrick’s Day Parade.
La Conner Fats’ book will have it all. You’ll be able to get advance
copies at bookstores everywhere (we hope). You might check Shannon’s
in Bothell and Ostrom’s in Kenmore first, however. Or, order online
through the Grace website (address above).
Hugo
and Mayor-for-Life Terry Jarvis (425) 482-4076 |
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The Previous Columns for
July 12, 2006 for
June 28, 2006 for
June 14, 2006 for
May 24, 2006
for
May 10, 2006
for
April 26, 2006
for April 12, 2006
for March 22, 2006
for March 8, 2006
for Feb. 22, 2006
for Feb. 8, 2006
for January 25, 2006
or December 14, 2005
for December 7, 2005
for November 23, 2005
for November 9, 2005
for October 26, 2005
for October 12, 2005 for
September 21, 2005 for
September 7, 2005 for
August 17, 2005 for
August 3, 2005 for
July 20, 2005 For
a complete guide to
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